movie

Dear Friend, This Is About Me & Charlie

This week I watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I’ve been waiting for this movie since its trailer come out. I did not get excited mainly about the stars (which others did). What I was after is the story, and how the movie gives justice to the book. I am a big fan of the book for a lot of reasons. Maybe one big reason is I, somehow, relate to Charlie’s thoughts.

Conformist. Maybe I am like that most of the time. I am boring, non-sense, the one you wouldn’t really care to lose from your set of friends. Usually I am just there, observing. A wallflower just like Charlie. I don’t really air out my thoughts easily. I usually keep my thoughts to myself as long as I can, or maybe until the need “to air out” arises. It’s not my way to ask help with things happening around me. Maybe because it’s not easy for me to trust. See right now, I have  lot of friends: Close friends, office friends, highscool and college friends. But if you ask me who among these people know the deepest thoughts I have, maybe I can’t name even a single one.

I once found someone whom I trust. But just like Charlie’s friends, they need to go to do things for themselves. I really want this person to stay but changes need to happen. I always thought we were on the same page at a certain phase, but I was wrong. I am just there, good as a spare tire maybe. Like I said, I am a kind of person you wouldn’t care to lose from the list of important people in your life. These things, I don’t really know why I’m saying it here. Maybe because I just need to air it out. Too bad I don’t have a “person whom I could really trust.” I need to tell these maybe because it’s too much for me already, and here it is, the need “to air out” arise.

You may find this thing bullshit you know. I mean, you may say “Why is this person telling about trust, but anyways air out her thoughts on a blog?” Yeah, I know. But you know the feeling of being “real” in a crowd you barely know and you don’t have emotional attachment with? The feeling that it’s easier to tell things you kept for a while to yourself to these people, than tell things to those people you knew well and give them trust that they can, someday, break and hurt you. And when I say hurt, you just want to kill yourself because you are having too much  of it. Again, just like Charlie.

Typing this whole crap without crying is difficult you know. But I’m trying. And off we go.

I’m living my life one day at a time. That means, I may have plans for the future but maybe good for the next 3 months. Let me share to you one thing. One day, as I was walking in a mall, an insurance agent approached me. So a few questions went on and we sat down for few get to know stuff (which bored and pissed me a lot. I am so pissed, I was really rude answering her questions. Anyways…) One the things the agent asked me to do is to put 5 things I need to have or I hope to accomplish in 5 to 10 years (I somehow like that my memory sucks, but I think the activity is something like that). She gave me five minutes, then went on to ten or more because out of  5 things, I was only able to put 2. That is to have a car or a house, and to be fucking rich. She asked me why I only have 2, and started to fish out answers from me. I don’t know if it’s her or the topic which got to my nerves, but I just apologized for not being interested, and I walk off. That is the most non-sense one hour of my life. Why do people always tell me to have plans for my future? Can’t they just accept the fact that I don’t have plans? I have few reasons which may sound alibis to some, but this reasons really matters to me. Let’s see…  Maybe I can say some.

One. Ever since I have proven that I don’t matter to most people, I started to living my life one day at a time. Less expectations, less chance of hurting myself. Plain and simple.

Two. I don’t really dream of living a long life. It’s hard to go on with life without someone whom you could really trust and be happy with, you know. Once an old man told me that smoking takes away something minutes of your life, blahblahblah… something sticks a day. He told that to me while I was smoking. I was just, “C’mon man I really want to spit on your face! Seriously? Telling that to me like my dad? Hello! What would you do if I smoke pot in your face?” People like this, they need to have a sense of privacy, and sensitivity. It should be: I don’t know you old man, you don’t know me either. Let’s not make our day bad, because I already got an overdose of bad days. Just give this fucking smoking time to me.

Three. I got so much of life’s shit. I got tired of planning. Seriously, this is my lowest point. EVER. This is record breaking. As the book The Great Gatsby says: “The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.” Some say this thought is impossible because they claim that you can do things not to let that happen. Let me tell you this: What if your world means a person you really love? Planned your future with this person, spent years together like perfect lifetime partners. There are flaws, but minimal. You loved each other. But one day, this person you love changed, and left you because you’re okay to lose. Now your problem is getting this person back. How would you fucking do that if the person doesn’t want you in his/her life? Worst, you wake up that you are now fucking replaced! And you can’t go for other people to find a lost love because even if you’re trying to, you always go back to that same person, even if you fucking hate it to happen. You just watch your life fall apart right? Because you can’t always have control over your life. See how this life’s so fun?

I can go on with my reasons but this topic makes me vomit. Now back to Charlie. I hope the last scene on the movie happens to me. To feel infinite with the person I could really trust and after so much fun, won’t have the guts to just leave me there. Helpless for the Nth time. I know how dramatic it is to say “I’m always the one being left alone.” But you know, you’ll never  understand how it really feels until you find yourself in there.

MNL 143

A month back, I was lucky to be able to watch a promising film on a rainy evening. I didn’t mind about the distance I traveled from my place going to Bonifacio High Street in Taguig (which is about over an hour to reach from our place), because I really enjoyed watching the film. MNL 143 made a small and meaningful place in my heart.

Spontaneity – that’s what I loved most about the film. Every character in the movie managed to contribute to the rawness and balance of the film. Sad, serious, funny, real – such a great set of characters who, throughout the course of the movie, successfully established Ramil’s character and his issue. Everything is real, especially the characters’ issues. It’s just genius.

Did I, in some ways, able to relate to the movie? No and yes. No, because I am not a driver by profession, and yes because of everything else seems a little similar to what I feel.

Just like Ramil, I worked on my career day and night to get through the day or to a supposed to be “future with someone”. Then everything gets mixed up, the feeling of losing someone you truly valued in your life was also there. At the middle of the day, you just stop and stare, cry for some random memories you want to get off from your mind because hope is a virtue that’s not really on your side at the moment. And a lot more, maybe, soon.

I’ve watched a number of films the past 2 months up to this point. Films that could make me think, or at times could make me sad, or could help me face reality. The life of living alone, that’s what I’m preparing for. If there’s something I learned from this part of my life, it’s that nothing is permanent. Future can be as blurry as your expectations, and trust is something you don’t want to give fully to someone no matter how good they are to you. Because at the end, you could really die without having to save some for yourself.

Love of Siam

Photo Grabbed from IMdb

One film down from my Thai movies wish list! Yey!

I enjoyed watching The Love of Siam – Enjoyed in the sense that it never got me bored even for a single scene. Sounds very ordinary? Not until you find out that this movie runs for almost 3 hours. Yes, 3 hours.

Most comments I encountered while researching the plot of the film is about homosexuality. Actually, even the trailer got me that notion on what to expect with the film. And then, all changed after watching the movie. It’s not really all about homosexuality. The film is about love, different forms of it, the hope it provides, and how it affects one’s life.

Yes, it might sound so cheesy, but let’s just say I am ready to go on a bet to prove everyone that this movie can really touch your heart. If you would think about it, the situations shown on the film are quite normal – nothing special in other words. However, how these normal situations and stories of each character are sewn together translates to something phenomenal. Phenomenal in the sense that it will let you feel for the characters, and left you reflecting on your life.

As I am watching the film, I feel very helpless in stopping my tears to fall down (Yuck, I know). I just can’t help myself feeling the emotions, frustrations and the love given and lost by the characters. It was one of the best movies I have ever seen. Proof? Well, I don’t really enjoy films that has subtitles, plus a film that is very long. I even have this philosophy that long movies don’t necessarily translate to a good film; it is how the story is executed. And, here I am, found myself glued to my laptop watching The Love of Siam.

Alright. For the record, I obviously loved the movie – I am even making it one of the best I have ever watched. It is definitely something worth the 3-hours of watching. But please don’t watch this film if you are looking for a feel-good movie, because plainly it is not. This movie is best to watch if you want to have an emo moment, or you just want to watch a good heart-warming film.

Buried (2010)

Yesterday, I watched the advanced premiere of Buried starring Ryan Reynolds. It was one hell of a thrilling movie, and I enjoyed it – Though I did not see the ending coming as expected.

As early as now, I am warning you that everything on this blog entry is a spoiler. So please, if you intend to watch the movie anytime soon, stop reading this article at this point.

Alright, so the ending is hope-crushing for both Paul Conroy (Ryan Reynold’s character) and the viewers. It is because he never made out from the box at the end of the movie – Yes, it ended with him being covered by sand as his box get part-raptured by explosions as the movie progressed. The assumption is: he was buried somewhere in Iraq after his truck was hijacked by alleged terrorists. Paul Conroy is a truck driver based in Iraq.

Throughout the movie, the struggles and frustrations of Paul Conroy getting out from the wooden coffin dominated the movie. If you are thinking that the movie shows sort of flashback clips, or footages of persons on the other line during Conroy’s phone call, please don’t expect it here. The scenes revolves on nothing but Paul Conroy inside the dimly lit wooden box. If you will think about it, the movie sounds boring, but I got really amazed of how the movie kept the viewers sticked to the movie. Though the ending is heart-breaking, I can say that the movie was done nicely and smartly.

I think what makes the movie interesting is the different obstacles and challenges that the character encountered during a very stressful event. So it’s like the character is stressed, then got even more stressed – Imagine that. The thrill level did not waned down throughout the movie thinking that the scenes revolved on the same wooden box. What I found to be the most nerve-wracking scene is the snake scene. Imagine, you waking up on the same wooden coffin you are in (after you take a nap because you got tired of finding ways to get out of it) and there’s a snake crawling on your legs. What will you do? That scene was so stressful and scary.

At the end of the movie, I thought that the point of the whole thing is not the escape of the character. The point of the movie is to show how the character reacted on a stressful situation, and how he spent his final moments of his life.  All he ever wanted is to talk to his wife during the whole time he is buried. The phone conversation between Conroy and his wife is heart-breaking. Buried perfectly depicted the gravity of emotional attachment of people to their love-ones during the times of crisis and close-to-death situation.

Overall, I love the movie because the movie is so humanly attached. That fact alone gave a very good justification on why the ending was sort-of-disappointing – It is because it was made that way. I guess sometimes, you just have  look into the movie deeper to get the real worth of it.